Pissing Off the Boss' Wife

After hours spent Googling and researching topics such as "how to deal with husband's disrespectful employees," or "employees disrespectful to boss' wife," and things of that nature, I find myself scrolling aimlessly through millions of hits on "mean bosses" and "affairs with the boss" (or even the boss' wife), even disrespectful behavior of coworkers and "how toxic employees damage your business," many articles insightful and worth reading, but I found nothing that really suits my specific search.


I did come across a few funny finds, such as this one posted on www.starblogs.net:

Tom Cruise Fired For Pissing Off Wife of the Boss
Posted by Fara Kearnes on August 31, 2006 3:46 PM Permalink

Can Tom Cruise handle the truth? Now we know why he was fired from Paramount - according to a new report, the wife the studio head got her panties in a bunch when she heard the cruiser publicly dissing Brooke Shields for taking post-pregnancy anti-depressant medication.

Paula Fortunato, the wife of Paramount boss Sumner Redstone , was enraged when she heard Cruise's comments on live TV, and warned her 83-year-old husband that the star's Scientology-inspired tirade was offensive to female fans.

Redstone though, hinted it was due to the couch-jumping incident last spring, as well as other bizarre antics by Tom, when he said last week: "As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew his deal. His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount."

But insiders from Paramount's parent company Viacom claim Redstone's 43-year-old wife has great influence on the decisions of her husband and she wanted him out.

Let me give you a little background. Personally, I am not involved in my husband's business, financially or otherwise. I do not have access nor have attempted access to anything regarding my husband's business or his employees. I do not have an office key. I do not have anything to do with the business whatsoever other than picking up my mail from my box once a week or so, always with a friendly "hello" and "beautiful weather we're having" attitude to the employees present. This arrangement is part of my prenuptial agreement with my husband: What's his is his and he promised to take care of me. That's all fine and dandy until an employee puts her nose into MY personal affairs and gets too personal with my husband. Then it really becomes a pain in my rear to hear the gossip and relentless petty attacks on me from other employees, who do not know me, who I have never bothered in any way, personally or professionally. To top it all off, it seems my husband is oblivious to the entire situation and cannot be bothered with such mundane petty behavior, despite the fact that when his employees are disrespectful to me, they are being disrespectful to him as my husband. But he's The Boss...


My husband recently was forced (by me) to fire an employee. This certain female employee had on many occasions crossed the professional line of business into personal, sending personal emails and text messages, all of which were inappropriate. She was confronted by me--and admitted--to having an affair (only not with my husband, her boss, but with someone else). She stated she did those things to me and to The Boss because someone else told her I was trying to get her fired. This, of course, makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. What did she think she would accomplish making sexual innuendo to The Boss or texting at 2 am would do? The Boss was on MY time then. Did she really think THAT would not get her fired? Puh-lease. As I stated before, I have no dealings with the business or with the employees. I have never had any say so, and have never tried to give my two cents worth to ANY employee of the company. I have stayed out of it in the most professional way possible. This conniving and deceitful employee brought me into it on her own. I do not know if it was out of jealousy, out of spite, or any of her reasons. I know she definitely crossed the line one too many times, and to the point where it was interfering with my marriage. THAT had to be stopped. The Boss was advised of this several times, and to his own ignominy, he did nothing about it to resolve the situation before he was given a choice to stay in the marriage or fire the employee. Lucky for me, he FINALLY chose me over an employee!


So she was fired. Her sister, also an employee, still works for The Boss. I have never had any problems with this sister. I actually liked her. So here goes the still employed sister, now pissed off because her sister is fired, gossiping with other coworkers and employees about me, the wife. She even goes so far as to continue to post pictures of her sister's kid on the company blog -- and then blames it or tags it with someone else's name. Yes, she is obviously very petty, very small-minded, and very stupid! And though it has been brought to The Boss' attention, he thinks that I should not stoop to her level or confront her about this. I agree. I don't want to stoop to her level. However, she continues this behavior, it seems to me, with arrogance and defiance -- and with no negating from The Boss, she thinks she can get away with everything. And she is getting away with everything, but she's pissing off The Boss' Wife! With her spiteful actions, she continues to grow crowds of employees with her gossip, even turning other employees with whom I have no relationship whatsoever (good or bad) against me, so that they whisper and ridicule me behind my back. Yet, I still hear about it. The Boss knows about it. What I am expected to do? The Boss, I know, thinks I should be the one to set an example. But the example HE sets is the only one they want to see. I don't think he's setting a good example by not effectively negating the conflict amongst his employees with regard to his wife. The Boss is a great businessman. I would never try to tell him how to handle his business. However, as a husband, well, he doesn't want to settle differences between his wife and his employees, though he is the only one who can resolve the issues. I know he wishes it would just stop, but with a bunch of female employees, there's never going to be an end to the gossip. I just wish he would negate the issues without me having to feel like I'm "complaining" or "nagging" to him about these issues, when they are right out there for all of the company to see (or hear).


It is true that The Boss' employees know more about my husband's business than I do. Some of them even know more about his personal financial situation than I do. This is a whole other story, but one that I find very troubling, insulting and insensitive. One of the new gossip girls to the cult to which the fired employee's sister started likes to brag and let me know real fast that if I need a check out of the personal account that she can write it for me, since I have no access to that either. Oh, she is so sweet about it, with a cherry on top! It provokes me, yes, to the point that the redneck girl who grew up in the country wants to come out screaming, but I hold back each and every time... To her anyway, and in front of the employees. I bring it up to The Boss, but nothing ever changes there either. Promises are made, always broken... I still cannot write my own damn check! (I am not incapable or incompetent, neither am I untrustworthy, nor would I ever take advantage, so I will never understand why). That is definitely a no-win situation. I accept that this is the way it is with the condition that I will always find it insulting, discourteous and just not right that I have to ASK for a personal check to which I should be entitled to write myself! The prenuptial agreement did not include personal accounts, by the way. But, no, the employee office gossips have control even over the personal checkbook. I refuse to ask for another damn thing from an employee who talks about me behind my back, during office hours, with other employees. Why can't The Boss understand how humiliating and utterly insulting this is to me? That, I will never understand.


Research shows that manager disrespect is frequent, severe, distracting, and reciprocal. True, this relates primarily to the manager/employee relationship. Put this statement in the context of being between an employee and the boss' wife. How does the boss' wife reciprocate? She doesn't. She tries to do what is best for her husband's business. In turn, however, when her husband fails to see the completely unprofessional behavior of his employees as petty, cruel, unnecessary and disrespectful to his wife and does nothing to stop the inappropriate actions of the employees, no matter how mundane or how petty, the consequences of his INactions are usually held against him in the marriage. The wife feels like her husband, "The Boss," is putting his employees before her by disregarding their petty and cruel antics. The wife feels like she has no input on anything and does not feel it is fair that employees can do what they want and gossip in the workplace about her, completing disrespecting her as "The Boss' Wife," without any repercussions.


So the employees continue to do so, all the while the resentment of the wife building up like a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode. So will she explode on the employees responsible for making her personal life with her husband miserable? Or will she explode on "The Boss"? Maybe it will be both. Either would be both exhilarating yet embarrassing and unprofessional, all at the same time. It's a no-win situation. However, as the wife, there is just no acceptance of this behavior. (I know I should be the bigger person and disregard them all as petty employees, for whatever their reasons may be, all reasons which have absolutely no merit whatsoever.) So I write about it. To complain about it. To vent about it. In the end, I still don't know the right way to handle it. I don't want my marriage to suffer. I don't want my husband's business to suffer. So I guess that leaves me as the only one suffering so that I do not "burden" The Boss with my feelings. That still leaves me as a ticking time bomb...


So I find myself in a unique situation. In those millions of hits when I Googled, I find no one else in my same predicament. Surely I cannot be the only boss' wife who employees treat so disrespectfully... It makes no sense! Maybe I am alone in this because I am the only one with The Boss who does nothing to negate the disrespectful behavior of his employees to his wife. So now I have Googled how to get your husband, "The Boss," to respect you as his wife... Again, millions of hits with nothing but the mundane, nothing of which suits my particular situation.


If I were Paula Fortunato, what would I do? I don't want anyone else fired. I just want them to act like the professionals they SHOULD be, and for The Boss to acknowledge that what they are doing is wrong, petty, mean-spirited, disrespectful, but most of all unprofessional to BOTH OF US, me as The Boss' wife and him as The Boss.